Reality TV Ate My Goldfish.

Hi, I’m Mel Noir and I’ve been exploited by television companies. So have you, don’t worry.

Over the past few years, the idiots at the TV stations have decided that talent is out, and exploitation is in. These leeches turn to those who spread misinformation, take advantage of society and lie to everyone’s faces in a pathetic bid for their own holy grail: ratings. Ratings means money, so who cares, right?

I don’t even own a television, so how the hell can I be effected, right? Through the crap people are believing that comes from the idiot box every night, of course! Tonight aired another “reality” show based in Newcastle. From the Chronicle (the only paper making sense about it!):

Geordie Finishing School for Girls will see four “affluent” young women from the south experience another lifestyle when they take on the lives of girls on a run-down Tyneside estate.

The series advertises itself as a “social experiment” and aims to highlight the harsh realities of inner city life in the North East.

Y’know what? Living in the North East is not harsh. We’re not rough bastards on drugs, with no education or job. We’re proud, smart, friendly people. Thanks to Geordie Finishing School and Geordie Shore, the morons who believe what’s on TV would paint me as a thick, poor slut. People, in general, are stupid enough to believe that crap.

Hey, why not watch some Tattoo School while you’re at it, so you can think I’m even more uneducated, and possibly diseased? Try Young, Dumb and Living Off Mum if you’d like to assume I’m some lazy cow because I’m still living at home with my parents after finishing my degree. If you’re stuck for ideas on why you shouldn’t like me, there’s probably some coverage in the news about some other stereotype I fit into. I’m not even going to get started on the news, to be honest.

Look: if someone acts like an arsehole to me because of something they’ve seen on the idiot box, I don’t want to be their friend anyway. But it doesn’t mean I enjoy putting up with the bastards who assume I’m game for anything when I’m out with my friends on a Saturday night. Think people don’t do that? Hang out in a tattoo studio for a day and tell me how many people tell you about their problems, because Miami Ink painted tattooers to be therapists!

What I’m trying to get at is this: all these shows do is give really stupid people reasons to dislike each other. People, in general, believe what’s spoon fed to them. Why encourage that? I don’t understand why these bullshit “reality” shows even exist, and I especially don’t understand why only a small percentage of people seem to know none of it is real. I think we should have TV shows that show the good sides of people, and ones that don’t divide people over really stupid things. That’s a pipe dream though, right?

Reality TV isn’t real. In other news, water is wet. All the mainstream media seems to do right now is convince people that their neighbours are terrorists, their kids criminals and everyone else is a nut case.

The next person who says something judgemental, starting with the words, “well, I saw on TV”, is getting punched.

Episodes of South Park and Batman are totally still okay, by the way.


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