If Everything I read about Myself on the Internet Was True.

If everything I read about myself on the internet was true, I don’t think I’d be a very nice person. Strangely, people seem to really like believing bad things about others. I don’t know if it’s some sort of a power trip of superiority, or the desperate need for something to share at the water cooler, but it seems evident all the time.

Thankfully, I find it funny. Hilarious, even. Though, I can’t help but be so confused. I mean, if I knew when I started writing that people would actually care about me as much as what I write, I’d have probably become overcome with shyness and thrown my computer out of the window. Like I said, thankfully I find it funny. Hilarious, even. After some slight drama from only last night, here are some of my favourites:

I’m a Nazi

This is the latest one. Last night, Leo put this picture on Tattooist Art’s facebook:

Just so you know, I think swastikas are awesome. Not the Nazi versions of it, of course. What many people still don’t seem to realise is, the swastika was around 7,000 years before Hitler used it. And it actually means a whole range of things, which always come back to peace and love. Anyway, for Leo merely posting up a picture, we’re all supposed to be Nazis now, according to some people.

I’m not even going to bother telling you how I’m not a Nazi, it should be obvious. Interesting fact, though: one of the reasons I have a Pierrot the Clown tattoo on my arm is because I thought it was ridiculously cool how the Jewish people from a concentration camp in Terazin used him to give themselves a bit of hope, in a sort of “well, if that miserable character can be happy, so can we!” sort of way. So yeah, have that.

I’m racist… towards Scottish People.

I got this one after a misunderstanding surrounding the Scottish Tattoo Convention which took place a couple of months ago. I have no idea how this one really came about, I guess people are just really stupid. This one’s hilarious, because I’m part Scottish myself. I wonder which part of me I hate? I’m guessing my left leg, it’s totally Scottish and I hate all that.

I have some boyfriend who’s in a band I’ve never heard of

I mean, I have been out with a bassist before, but I can only assume people are talking about someone else. I wish I could remember the name of the band now, it was kind of funny. No idea where this one’s come from.

I’m some model for tattoo magazines.

My guess is that people see me tagged in pictures on Facebook of magazine covers. Leo does it for Tattooist Art, actually, whenever one of my articles is in an issue. If you’re ready to believe this rumour, you’re also ready to believe I change my hair colour, bone structure and even my race once every month. I’m pretty fucking amazing, but I’m not that amazing.

I wrote some book about American Typewriters

This one’s cool actually, you can believe this if you want. I’m guessing someone has the same, or a similar, name to mine.

I’m 12.

That’s just my pal Nigel being terribly jealous of my youthful beauty 😉

I’m Irish

I think people believe this because I work for Tattoo.TV, where the majority of people there are Irish. I actually work from home, in sunny Newcastle.

Joni is my boyfriend.

This misconception makes me hurl.

There are probably going to be a billion more of these, to be honest. I feel like I’m forgetting at least one already. I don’t mind it though, so I’ll probably share more laughs with you all soon enough about this, haha.

Remember, kids: if it’s on the internet, it isn’t necessarily true 😉


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