7 more sleeps!

Not long ’till it’s Christmas, I better tell you muva’lovers what I want!

Dear Santa,

I have been really fucking good this year. I haven’t started any riots, blown anything up or ended up in a coma. So, it’s time to pay up, you fat turd. Below you will see my demands Christmas list, don’t be a stingy bastard.

  • A tank
  • A cowboy hat
  • A flare gun
  • A super soaker
  • Booze
  • A vuvuzela
  • Two tickets to see The Cure in the Isle of Wight, plus parking for my tank.
  • New tattoos when I forget how much the last one hurt.
  • A real life R2D2
  • Megaphone

Or, just the tank. I figure, you can do what the fuck you want if you have a tank, so if you get me a tank I’ll get the rest. Oh, and stop letting your reindeer shit all over my garden, that’s a £50 fine, that is.

Mel Noir


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